The great thing about this blog is being able to post almost anything, some exclusions exist of course. But being able to post anything, especially my poems are some of the few things I enjoy. So for those who read it, thank you!
And despite the great thing about this blog, there is a downside. Finding that content to write about can sometimes be difficult. But the purpose of this blog is to help myself write to a conclusion. In other words, I want to write towards a goal, a dream, something I want to achieve in life. I’m constantly asked what I want to do in life, or what my life will be like after college or graduating. My answer is, I’m not sure. I can’t seem to find that niche, that thing I want to do for the rest of my life. But today, I may have found that thing that I want to do for the rest of my life.
Walking around UC Merced really made me think about my life, about my future, about my past, and most importantly about my future. When I first arrived at UC Merced, I wanted to be a Politician or a judge, but things changed and it was okay. Then I worked towards being a lawyer, and for the next two and a half years, that was my goal. My goal was to become a lawyer. Me a lawyer? I was afraid of speaking in front of people at that time! So I thought about my career again, and I thought I wanted to become a Paralegal. Someone who could work behind the scenes of all that legal mumbo jumbo–yep, I said mumbo jumbo! And now, my goal is to become a writer.
The strange thing is that when I was younger, I always wanted to be a writer. I wanted to publish my own stories, create my own books, and just write. I wanted to be an author, a publisher, someone who could write as a career because it was fun! And one time I won a trip to Disneyland based on a story I wrote. Albeit, I never claimed those tickets which I do regret, I won something for my writing! From that point on, I knew I wanted to something in particular with writing!
So what’s my reflection for today? It’s difficult to say. I walked around UC Merced, trying to reach a conclusion for my life. It was difficult, but I realized something. My mom was the reason I wanted to pursue in a career such as a lawyer. I wanted to make enough money to pursue that dream, that goal. I wanted to make enough to buy her a new house, a car, and just overall take care of her. I thought that’s what she wanted–of course, she doesn’t.
And now I know. That stuff doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I succeed and that I’m happy. My mom never cared what we did as long as we succeeded for ourselves. So that’s just it. I realized that in order to reach this conclusion, this center-piece, I need to walk around it. I need to constantly pace around it, before reaching for that center. I realized that as long we aim to succeed for ourselves, we can finally reach that center of conclusion. Wishful reading 🙂